Be Patient, Don’t Complain (Yet): Beyond the Dichotomy of Confronting or Complying with Benevolent Sexism

Ever been confused about how to react when someone says they are doing something for your own good but you know oh-so-clearly that there is nothing good in it for you? Do you call them out for their misplaced benevolence? Or do you just acquiesce and come across as condoning their behavior? Both these options come with consequences, and costs. What should one do? This is a common dilemma for those subjected to benevolent sexism—a seemingly positive form of sexism that nevertheless undermines gender equity and is often hard to recognize and deal with. This article delves into the depths of this dilemma and is based on an autoethnographical account of one of the author’s experiences with benevolent sexism. The core narrative, originally written in the immediate aftermath of a significant incident, offers a deep dive into the protagonist’s mind as she navigates the decision to seek support politely rather than express outrage at the sexist behavior she encountered. Her narrative serves as the foundation for an abductive investigation, where the protagonist, in collaboration with her co-authors, undertakes a review of extant literature to make sense of her response. Together, they employ introspection and reflexivity to alternate between data and literature, bridging the gap between personal experience and scholarly analysis, and transforming the evocative account into a comprehensive examination of the pervasive social phenomenon of sexism within organizational contexts. Using an abductive, iterative process to interweave theory with an autoethnographical narrative, the article tries to resolve the dichotomy between confronting and condoning, often seen as the only responses to sexism, by proposing an approach that balances the interpersonal and intrapersonal costs and benefits of confrontation.