(Gas)lighting Their Way to Coercion and Violation in Narcissistic Abuse: An Autoethnographic Exploration

Narcissistic abuse is a hidden form of abuse and remains under-recognized in society and within the helping professions, partly due to victim difficulties in articulating the manipulative behaviors they have experienced. Though research focusing on narcissism is extensive, there is a distinct lack of research into the abusive behaviors individuals with severe narcissistic traits use against others and subsequent victim experiences. With the aim of raising awareness of this form of abuse, the following evocative account utilizes autoethnographic memory work and portrays personal experiences of narcissistic abuse—specifically, gaslighting behavior, pathological dishonesty, and intimate abuse. The autoethnographic methods of this article are aligned with social justice and feminist epistemologies. Suppositions are offered to the reader centered upon trauma, loss, and healing in the context of the author’s personal experiences and inherent values as a mental health nurse and educator. Key reflections regarding the use of memory as method along with procedural, relational, and ethical considerations determine how the autoethnography and its portrayal may have been shaped.