January 3, 2022

Dear Lala,

For decades, it has been my mission and my joy to help home canners fix runny jams that refuse to set and insist that, yes, they really do need to use all the sugar. But this pandemic has changed everything. I cannot answer even one more customer call on the FabJam JamLine. Customers aren’t looking for home-canning confidence anymore when they contact us with questions about our award-winning pectin. Instead, they’re expecting on-demand, free therapy sessions, life-skills training, and unconditional validation to questions like: Why can’t I sleep? Why doesn’t anyone (other than you) listen to me? How can I convince my pet boa constrictor to crawl out from between the springs of my neighbor’s sofa?

Quitting in writing is definitely too formal, considering I’m your great-aunt and there are only five of us here at FabJam. But whenever I try to speak to you...

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