This essay is the outcome of my affective immersion in a century-old family archive. Through writing as a method of inquiry, I focus on a particular episode that happened within my family and use it as a starting point to question the archive as a performative, patriarchal system. Accompanied by post-structural concepts, I wander through its rooms unsettling their order; through anarchiving I attend the archive’s marginal spaces and silences by wonder. In this immersive process, I question my own research and position within the family history while also abandoning myself to a feeling of nostalgia for what the archive used to be.

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